I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We need to rekindle our bromance
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.