Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

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(212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years. http://tfl.nu/7axl

Replies (36) Good night (2077) Bad night (1114)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever

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(702): I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever http://tfl.nu/c1jo

Replies (11) Good night (2178) Bad night (1258)
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(905): View more from Toronto

I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater

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(905): I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater http://tfl.nu/5s3p

Replies (19) Good night (1045) Bad night (3395)
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(219): View more from Indiana

I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.

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(219): I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls. http://tfl.nu/l75s

Replies (46) Good night (1144) Bad night (3795)
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(845): View more from New York

don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.

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(845): don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified. http://tfl.nu/evog

Replies (15) Good night (1640) Bad night (4575)
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(516): View more from New York

This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.

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(516): This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me. http://tfl.nu/6e09

Replies (8) Good night (3058) Bad night (862)
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(210): View more from Texas

She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.

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(210): She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college. http://tfl.nu/uhbq

Replies (4) Good night (2167) Bad night (637)
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(616): View more from Michigan

She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross

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(616): She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross http://tfl.nu/ueo2

Replies (18) Good night (1126) Bad night (3042)
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(913): View more from Kansas

HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??

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(913): HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO?? http://tfl.nu/gz2t

Replies (3) Good night (1183) Bad night (552)
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(619): View more from California

how did you know i stayed over last night?

(702): View more from Nevada

there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom

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(619): how did you know i stayed over last night? (702): there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom http://tfl.nu/hfaf

Replies (1) Good night (1342) Bad night (438)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.

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(404): Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician. http://tfl.nu/u2ls

Replies (4) Good night (963) Bad night (460)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.

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(202): I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone. http://tfl.nu/ocz4

Replies (17) Good night (1039) Bad night (1243)
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(757): View more from Virginia

It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage

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(757): It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage http://tfl.nu/6fy5

Replies (1) Good night (1418) Bad night (438)
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(319): View more from Iowa

She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad

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(319): She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad http://tfl.nu/w994

Replies (1) Good night (626) Bad night (373)
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(561): View more from Florida

I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates

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(561): I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates http://tfl.nu/pbgm

Replies (4) Good night (565) Bad night (369)

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