Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.