Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.