Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i came on her dog
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
