Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?