Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.

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(201): the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called. http://tfl.nu/7ag1

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(917): View more from New York City

She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.

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(917): She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun. http://tfl.nu/sejn

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(985): View more from Louisiana

BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART

(601): View more from Mississippi

Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.

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(985): BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART (601): Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know. http://tfl.nu/j9ff

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(732): View more from New Jersey

It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you

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(732): It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you http://tfl.nu/fjdb

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(703): View more from Virginia

I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.

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(703): I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going. http://tfl.nu/roti

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze

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(402): Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze http://tfl.nu/3a8k

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(219): View more from Indiana

My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious

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(219): My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious http://tfl.nu/6jx4

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(727): View more from Florida

when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.

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(727): when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test. http://tfl.nu/l54a

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(812): View more from Indiana

And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.

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(812): And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god. http://tfl.nu/4xu8

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(201): View more from New Jersey

So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...

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(201): So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone... http://tfl.nu/fbxy

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(847): View more from Illinois

I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE

(1-847): View more from Illinois

This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.

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(847): I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE (1-847): This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to. http://tfl.nu/xeyh

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(+79): View more from

You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win

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(+79): You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win http://tfl.nu/jmv2

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.

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(704): Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor. http://tfl.nu/wceh

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(949): View more from California

July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31

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(949): July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31 http://tfl.nu/jg6w

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.

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(920): These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice. http://tfl.nu/xvwn

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