Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
