He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
