So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
