Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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