yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
