is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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