you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
