Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
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Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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