It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Randomize
