Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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