I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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