Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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