"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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