Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
