just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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