Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
false alarm. still invincible.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
