I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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