Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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