is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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