im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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