Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
