I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
