Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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