Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
