Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
