i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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