The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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