I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
