dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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