mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
