I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
