if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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