He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
