dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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