Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
