And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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