Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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