Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
