I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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