Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
