i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
