the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
