He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
