some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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