Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
