Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
