He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
