Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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