hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
