I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.