Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me

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  (212): that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me http://tfl.nu/xacv
  Replies (22) Good night (1293) Bad night (980)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Shittttttt.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

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  (734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy. (1-734): Shittttttt. (734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy. http://tfl.nu/htfb
  Replies (33) Good night (9895) Bad night (835)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude

  (650): View more from California

  So your saying just a blow job?

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  (347): Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude (650): So your saying just a blow job? http://tfl.nu/cev0
  Replies (6) Good night (867) Bad night (3272)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time

  (972): View more from Texas

  i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"

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  (214): probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time (972): i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!" http://tfl.nu/dprb
  Replies (22) Good night (9601) Bad night (899)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.

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  (334): The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards. http://tfl.nu/c6zk
  Replies (15) Good night (12717) Bad night (728)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home

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  (262): I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home http://tfl.nu/gzni
  Replies (26) Good night (13478) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.

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  (845): Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka. http://tfl.nu/zb0y
  Replies (10) Good night (5853) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...

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  (239): Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot... http://tfl.nu/oqxd
  Replies (17) Good night (8264) Bad night (1328)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before

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  (717): Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before http://tfl.nu/lay4
  Replies (6) Good night (2590) Bad night (845)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.

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  (402): Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex. http://tfl.nu/hnii
  Replies (4) Good night (3495) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone

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  (207): I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone http://tfl.nu/crvf
  Replies (2) Good night (963) Bad night (1204)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?

  (1+61): View more from

  Mobile recharge?

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  (+61): What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls? (1+61): Mobile recharge? http://tfl.nu/wf5a
  Replies (2) Good night (932) Bad night (329)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying

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  (312): I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying http://tfl.nu/bo49
  Replies (7) Good night (1016) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.

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  (585): we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia. http://tfl.nu/scs1
  Replies (1) Good night (635) Bad night (191)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  It's like we're not even friends

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  (318): How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2? (870): I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living (318): It's like we're not even friends http://tfl.nu/vpni
  Replies (5) Good night (1079) Bad night (247)

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