dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball