he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
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does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
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i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude