How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
