you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
