Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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