I accidentally burped into my bong.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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