Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just had sex bonerless
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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