my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
two words...techno handjob
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
