just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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