There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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