One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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