i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
