Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
People in love make me want to vomit
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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