Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
