If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
