You're my little dorito
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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