honey bunches of taint.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
