Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
