hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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