i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I look better un-naked...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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