oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
