My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize