I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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