my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
