I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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