he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
