I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
