My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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