I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
